Today is my brother Jim's memorial service. He didn't want us to be sad but I don't know how to be happy. He was always happy. maybe he will touch us today in some way to ease our sorrow.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My Big Brother
Jim's cancer finally took over his body. He began to fail and he continued to fight a hard fight as we called the family together to be with him one last time. Faith and Charity were flying in from Pittsburgh. Other family members were hurrying to be by his side. He was surrounded by friends and family as he struggled to stay alive. He was bathed in prayer and circled in loving hands. We couldn't understand why he kept fighting right down to his last breath. We feared it was us, that he couldn't leave us. We promised him we'd be ok. He finally found rest on Tuesday night.
Jim is our angel....he left all his loved ones in weeksville nc to be with Faith and Charity when they were landing in charlotte nc. The hydrolic landing gear failed and they had emergency vehicles on the runway awaiting their arrival....Jim passed away and 6:40 and I believe he was the angel that helped land their plane safely at 6:40 in charlotte nc.
Jim was always the protector, the big brother, the helper, the strong one. Rest in peace dear brother. God has healed your cancer and you can rest now.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Love is not easily angered
My father passed away in 1986. He was alone when he died. Most of my family was angry with him. We abandoned him. He passed away in his bed, hopefully in peace. I believe my father was greeted in Heaven by his son, his mother and father, and all those loved ones who had passed before him. He found peace in his passing.
My brother is dying. He is surrounded by family and friends. The home is love filled. I believe my father is waiting for Jim. But maybe Jim isn't ready to go. Maybe he needs his son. Maybe he needs his family to stop being angry with themselves and each other and start loving each other.
May I suggest you pause the player link on the right side bar and listen to the song below. Just click on the image after you pause the player so the two songs wont overlap. Lyrics are below the video if you want to sing along. It's a tear jerker.
The Living Years lyrics
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him
in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late
when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
My brother is dying. He is surrounded by family and friends. The home is love filled. I believe my father is waiting for Jim. But maybe Jim isn't ready to go. Maybe he needs his son. Maybe he needs his family to stop being angry with themselves and each other and start loving each other.
May I suggest you pause the player link on the right side bar and listen to the song below. Just click on the image after you pause the player so the two songs wont overlap. Lyrics are below the video if you want to sing along. It's a tear jerker.
The Living Years lyrics
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him
in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late
when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
Friday, January 29, 2010
Love is Not Self-Seeking
Love is not self-seeking. Love is serving others. When we offer help to others for self benefit, it is not love.
When we help another in need by giving of our selves for not benefit of our own, we are loving. When we help another in need with conditions, we are self-seeing.
A few weeks ago we had planned a trip to visit my brother in the VA Hospital. We offered to drive, giving a little relief to my brother's wife who had been driving everyday. The drive is long and stressful at times because of traffic and other circumstances. We were driving because we wanted to help, to serve, to assist someone other than our self.
(Enter self-seeking behavior) Another family member happened to be in need. He needed a place for his girlfriend and dog to stay overnight, en route to their holiday vacation on the beach. Rather than just ask if they could all camp out, he comes up with a plan to offer his "help" driving to the hospital and then he would have his need met.
Serving others, helping ones in need, giving our time to benefit another does not come with entitlement. Entitlement is not love. I remember a past experience when my sister's house suffered extensive water damage after the pipes froze. The house was empty and water was running for days. The plaster fell from the ceiling. The house was a mess. It went without repair for many months. A relative comes out of the woodwork offering to repair the home but he needs everyone who is living in the house to move out and he needs to stay there while the repairs are completed. He makes my sister feel like he is helping them the best way possible and tries to convince them he is their best option. Is he fixing the home because he cares or does he need a place to live? Is he selflessly helping or is he seeing benefit for himself? They didn't take his offer.
When we help others selflessly, we ask for nothing in return. We don't seek reward, we don't need a plaque made for the wall, we wont ask for some kind of return or feel entitlement. If we serve others in love, we will not keep score of what we have done. We will not brag about that help, or compare our help to others.
Helping others selflessly feels good. It is contagious. It shows unconditional love.
When we help another in need by giving of our selves for not benefit of our own, we are loving. When we help another in need with conditions, we are self-seeing.
A few weeks ago we had planned a trip to visit my brother in the VA Hospital. We offered to drive, giving a little relief to my brother's wife who had been driving everyday. The drive is long and stressful at times because of traffic and other circumstances. We were driving because we wanted to help, to serve, to assist someone other than our self.
(Enter self-seeking behavior) Another family member happened to be in need. He needed a place for his girlfriend and dog to stay overnight, en route to their holiday vacation on the beach. Rather than just ask if they could all camp out, he comes up with a plan to offer his "help" driving to the hospital and then he would have his need met.
Serving others, helping ones in need, giving our time to benefit another does not come with entitlement. Entitlement is not love. I remember a past experience when my sister's house suffered extensive water damage after the pipes froze. The house was empty and water was running for days. The plaster fell from the ceiling. The house was a mess. It went without repair for many months. A relative comes out of the woodwork offering to repair the home but he needs everyone who is living in the house to move out and he needs to stay there while the repairs are completed. He makes my sister feel like he is helping them the best way possible and tries to convince them he is their best option. Is he fixing the home because he cares or does he need a place to live? Is he selflessly helping or is he seeing benefit for himself? They didn't take his offer.
When we help others selflessly, we ask for nothing in return. We don't seek reward, we don't need a plaque made for the wall, we wont ask for some kind of return or feel entitlement. If we serve others in love, we will not keep score of what we have done. We will not brag about that help, or compare our help to others.
Helping others selflessly feels good. It is contagious. It shows unconditional love.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Love Does Not Dishonor Others
Gossip. Guilty.
Gossip was once my best friend. Gossip is the tool for dishonoring others. It's been a long time since I used gossip as a form of communication. Maybe it's because I have reduced the circle of friends, mainly my Christian friends who fed off each others unhappiness. The problem with this group in particular is the way they used prayer as a way to air dirty laundry, especially others. One of my daughters coined this behavior as prayer gossip. I became a victim of prayer gossip and it hurt my and my family to the degree we left church. This prayer gossip among the church body not only hurt our family but it dishonored God.
Prayer gossip works like this. You meet with a friend from church for lunch at their house. They "confide" in you a very private situation and then wait for you to return your own sin. You get this warm and fuzzy feeling of love and spill your guts to the person asking them to pray for you or your family. You trust your confession is presented to God in prayer and not spread any further. The church friend then tells her husband your confession and adds a little drama to the story. She is sure to emphasize your need for prayer. The husband happens to be a deacon who then shares the prayer concern with the other deacons who then pass on the information to their wives who then call each other saying you need prayer, you sinned. Next thing ya know you are being shunned at church.
Prayer is a good thing. God wants us to come to him with our troubles. People who use prayer as a form of gossip hurt not only their Christian friend but also dishonor God. Prayer gossip hurts. It is not love. For all those have hurt or dishonored in gossip, I beg forgiveness.
If a friend comes to you with a burden, do not use prayer as a form of spreading that burden to others. Pray and let God handle it from there.
Another thing which bothers me greatly is the way some people dishonor others for sympathy or acceptance.
(I better stop before I break out in hives.)
Gossip was once my best friend. Gossip is the tool for dishonoring others. It's been a long time since I used gossip as a form of communication. Maybe it's because I have reduced the circle of friends, mainly my Christian friends who fed off each others unhappiness. The problem with this group in particular is the way they used prayer as a way to air dirty laundry, especially others. One of my daughters coined this behavior as prayer gossip. I became a victim of prayer gossip and it hurt my and my family to the degree we left church. This prayer gossip among the church body not only hurt our family but it dishonored God.
Prayer gossip works like this. You meet with a friend from church for lunch at their house. They "confide" in you a very private situation and then wait for you to return your own sin. You get this warm and fuzzy feeling of love and spill your guts to the person asking them to pray for you or your family. You trust your confession is presented to God in prayer and not spread any further. The church friend then tells her husband your confession and adds a little drama to the story. She is sure to emphasize your need for prayer. The husband happens to be a deacon who then shares the prayer concern with the other deacons who then pass on the information to their wives who then call each other saying you need prayer, you sinned. Next thing ya know you are being shunned at church.
Prayer is a good thing. God wants us to come to him with our troubles. People who use prayer as a form of gossip hurt not only their Christian friend but also dishonor God. Prayer gossip hurts. It is not love. For all those have hurt or dishonored in gossip, I beg forgiveness.
If a friend comes to you with a burden, do not use prayer as a form of spreading that burden to others. Pray and let God handle it from there.
Another thing which bothers me greatly is the way some people dishonor others for sympathy or acceptance.
(I better stop before I break out in hives.)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Love Is Not Proud
pride n.
1. A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.
This describes the feeling I have about my body and brain and why I wont abuse it with drugs or alcohol, although I am known to enjoy a cosmo or glass of wine.
2. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association: parental pride.
This describes the feeling my brother had when he showed me the trees he planted so many years ago. The trees were magnificent!
3. Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.
One can not love with these things present in their life.
4.
a. A cause or source of pleasure or satisfaction; the best of a group or class: These soldiers were their country's pride.
This kind of pride is common and shows love.
b. The most successful or thriving condition; prime: the pride of youth.
not relevant
5. An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit.
(Reminds me of the person who boasts)
These are just a few of the many definitions of pride. A friend told me Pride comes before the fall. So true!
Some people are so proud they burn bridges with those who love them the most. It is especially difficult to love a person who is full of bad pride. Maybe it is because pride is in some ways like insecurity. enough said.
My urologist thinks I have two more kidney stones. the good news is the stones are probably smaller than the one I passed naturally. Oh joy!
My chiropractor suggests I cut out all sugars from my diet, and grains. Good bye sugar! Good bye Jet-Puffed Marshmallow Creme! Good bye rye bread! How I do love thee and will greatly miss thee!
Just thinking about no sugar diets make me loathe for a fat slice of key lime pie or chocolate torte. Oh me!
1. A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.
This describes the feeling I have about my body and brain and why I wont abuse it with drugs or alcohol, although I am known to enjoy a cosmo or glass of wine.
2. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association: parental pride.
This describes the feeling my brother had when he showed me the trees he planted so many years ago. The trees were magnificent!
3. Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.
One can not love with these things present in their life.
4.
a. A cause or source of pleasure or satisfaction; the best of a group or class: These soldiers were their country's pride.
This kind of pride is common and shows love.
b. The most successful or thriving condition; prime: the pride of youth.
not relevant
5. An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit.
(Reminds me of the person who boasts)
These are just a few of the many definitions of pride. A friend told me Pride comes before the fall. So true!
Some people are so proud they burn bridges with those who love them the most. It is especially difficult to love a person who is full of bad pride. Maybe it is because pride is in some ways like insecurity. enough said.
My urologist thinks I have two more kidney stones. the good news is the stones are probably smaller than the one I passed naturally. Oh joy!
My chiropractor suggests I cut out all sugars from my diet, and grains. Good bye sugar! Good bye Jet-Puffed Marshmallow Creme! Good bye rye bread! How I do love thee and will greatly miss thee!
Just thinking about no sugar diets make me loathe for a fat slice of key lime pie or chocolate torte. Oh me!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Love Does Not Boast
Have you ever sat with a group of family or friends and found yourself sinking in the seat wishing you weren't there while one person in the group boasts the entire time about how big their truck is, how their dog is the smartest, or they have the best (insert anything here) in the whole world? I have a brother like that. He may even read this blog which would be fine with me. He is the first person I thought of when I decided to break down 1 Corinthians 13:4.
I know a person who loves to boast. In his own opinion he is the best on earth. He is smarter, better, bigger, grander, healthier, etc, than anyone in his family. If you ever have the pleasure to know him you will agree he is indeed better than anyone on earth. He helped a person in his family during a time of need and then threw it in his face months later. He ruined everything nice he had ever done in a rant which lasted less than 100 word email. Then he boasted about what all he had done and how he was taken advantage of. He wants to help others but his help comes with conditions. Just know that when he helps you with whatever your need may be, you will most certainly become the stupidest person on earth before he has finished with you. Then he ignores you until a situation arises where he needs to express how awesome he is or how awful someone has treated him. Yet he is loved because love is patient...
Love is not puffed up, bigger, better, smarter, richer, taller, fitter, or greater than. Love is humbling ourselves before God and showing humility to our brethren. When we sit together for a meal, we need only love those around us. We listen and and center our attention on the loved ones and their circumstances. We don't throw ourselves on them in times of need. We quietly help. We let them come to us. We help without conditions. We love without conditions.
Before photo of guest bedroom with faux finish walls
I know a person who loves to boast. In his own opinion he is the best on earth. He is smarter, better, bigger, grander, healthier, etc, than anyone in his family. If you ever have the pleasure to know him you will agree he is indeed better than anyone on earth. He helped a person in his family during a time of need and then threw it in his face months later. He ruined everything nice he had ever done in a rant which lasted less than 100 word email. Then he boasted about what all he had done and how he was taken advantage of. He wants to help others but his help comes with conditions. Just know that when he helps you with whatever your need may be, you will most certainly become the stupidest person on earth before he has finished with you. Then he ignores you until a situation arises where he needs to express how awesome he is or how awful someone has treated him. Yet he is loved because love is patient...
I know another person who is very smart. It's fun to listen to him tell stories. His stories aren't boastful. Most of his stories are about history or facts. He likes to tease and test our knowledge of facts. He sees things so differently than the majority of those around him. He wont brag on being right all the time, even though he is. He says what he means and mean what he says. He has a loving heart and helps when someone is in need. He doesn't wait for you to say what you need. he sees what is needed and jumps in quietly to help. I've never heard him boast or brag about what he did for others but I know he has helped a lot of people without ever complaining. He loves others with all his heart.
I know another person who is very humble. He never boasts. He never brags. He is actually a very quiet man who loves his privacy and respects others. We were riding to his chemo treatment in November and as we drove past Albemarle Hospital and College of the Albemarle, he pointed out some of the trees on the property. He wasn't boasting. He simply stated, "dad and I planted all these trees". If he were boasting he would have said they were the best landscapers in town and their trees were better than anyone elses. What he was saying to me is my father and him started their business with a shovel and these trees were planted together by them, and look how strong and beautiful they are now. I could see the pride he had in his heart for the job well done. The love he had for my father who is now gone was pouring out in the words he spoke. I've lived in Elizabeth City for over 25 years and never knew the trees were planted by my father and brother. Neither of them ever bragged or boasted.
I know another person who is very humble. He never boasts. He never brags. He is actually a very quiet man who loves his privacy and respects others. We were riding to his chemo treatment in November and as we drove past Albemarle Hospital and College of the Albemarle, he pointed out some of the trees on the property. He wasn't boasting. He simply stated, "dad and I planted all these trees". If he were boasting he would have said they were the best landscapers in town and their trees were better than anyone elses. What he was saying to me is my father and him started their business with a shovel and these trees were planted together by them, and look how strong and beautiful they are now. I could see the pride he had in his heart for the job well done. The love he had for my father who is now gone was pouring out in the words he spoke. I've lived in Elizabeth City for over 25 years and never knew the trees were planted by my father and brother. Neither of them ever bragged or boasted.
Love is not puffed up, bigger, better, smarter, richer, taller, fitter, or greater than. Love is humbling ourselves before God and showing humility to our brethren. When we sit together for a meal, we need only love those around us. We listen and and center our attention on the loved ones and their circumstances. We don't throw ourselves on them in times of need. We quietly help. We let them come to us. We help without conditions. We love without conditions.
Changing the subject...
Progress on the guest bedroom:
Before photo of guest bedroom with faux finish wallsA work in progress shows newly painted walls and a glimpse of the inspiration for the room, a Pottery Barn quilt. The ceiling and walls need a second coat, trim needs painted, and the bed needs refinished/repaired. It's gonna be a the best darn guest bedroom in the whole world when I get finished with it. (giggle)
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